craziememe
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HELP ME PLEASE
hi its crazie
can anyone help me?
i went shopping yesterday with my mum, the first time i've been out properle since last year. then we went out last nite for a few drinks and a dance first time for that also..........
i'm still on a lot of meds, still see my cpn regulary and am waiting to hear from pyscotherapy and a residential therapy..........
but i want to die
i know i should be feeling proud of myself but i just cant i punish myself so much i've planned my suicide in the early hours of this morning and even nipped across the road to the shop to equip myself..........
but i dont no if i want to die...........
i dont no what to do............. i deserve to die i have these voices in my hed 'your dirty your a freak your discusting i wish you were dead'.......... over and over again
somone please help me.
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6/Oct/07, 8:32
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notallthere
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Re: HELP ME PLEASE
Hi there. You should be so proud that you managed to go out with your mum. Dancing too!! I wish I could do that!. I can't give much advice, but I'll say that I hope you get through this bad time. I had a bad day this week and it took a lot to get through it, but I did it and I know you can do it too.
Samaritans are really good at getting you through a bad crisis. Well they have been for me. Please take care and let us know how things are.
Maybe someone else will have some other advice but meanwhile I'll just send a hug. xxx
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6/Oct/07, 12:10
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lilemogal8
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Re: HELP ME PLEASE
well done for goin out !
firstly u dont want to die if u question your judgment on it , maybe call samaritains like 'notallthere' said or go 2 your mum's , u dont need 2 tell her theres something wrong if uy dont want 2 but you're unlikey 2 cause your self harm while in some1 elses company
you were really brave for goin out and avin a laugh . . . i dont really know what 2 say about the voices , only that my friend has the same problem , you're not a freak , u proved that by goin out and havin a gd time !
big hugs ! just try not 2 be alone . . .
stay strong - u can do it x
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6/Oct/07, 12:20
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Satsumagirl
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Re: HELP ME PLEASE
I think you are so very brave going out shopping and also dancing as well. That is much more than I can do at the moment and it is really impressive. It is also a very good sign that you will get better (I know right now it does not feel like that).
It is very brave of you to post on here about your plan too. Please please tell someone about it- is there a friend you can talk to or what about a relative? i really hope you are not alone tonight. I have also had those moments when you don't quite trust yourself to be alone. If all else fails, please please go to A and E- they can be very helpful and will take you very seriously.
Let us know how you get on.
Very best wishes,
satsumagirl.
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6/Oct/07, 21:22
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Satsumagirl
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Re: HELP ME PLEASE
are you ok craziememe? How is it going?
Satsumagirl
x
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7/Oct/07, 12:17
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craziememe
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Re: HELP ME PLEASE
hi all thank you so much for your kind words an replys i've just been dischared from hosp after taking around 40 different tablets i fellunconcious and my mum apparantly found me and caled an ambulanse.i've seen my cpn this morning (along with 20 other different doctors who mite as well talk in an anothr language cos i tend to shut off)think i'll be seeing her every day as i declined the offer of the cris team (after a bad experience with them) so my mum is with me 24 hours to keep me safe???? i still managed to self harm tho whilst in the bath, i think cutting myself is the only way to stop me from committing suicide at this moment in time, although didnt do much for me saturday morning.why does everythin hurt so much???? my heart is so heavy. im not strong enough to live like this.
hope everyone is well
hugs
luv craziememe x
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7/Oct/07, 13:00
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Satsumagirl
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Re: HELP ME PLEASE
Dear craziememe
I am so pleased that you are ok, and that your mum found you in time. When you are feeling this bad is it a good idea to be with someone 24/7, so pleased that your mum is around. Have you got any medication? Also is your GP sympathetic? If you start feeling very bad again please please go to A and E or your GP surgery before you do anything.
I am so sorry that you feel like this but I promise that you will get better-but just take it a few days at a time at the moment.
Take care, satsumagirl
x
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7/Oct/07, 13:15
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craziememe
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Re: HELP ME PLEASE
hi sg
am curretly taking 300 venleflaxine, 300 promazine and 20mg of temazepan each day.
havent seen my gp for a while but yea he's usually understanding.
thanks for your support and for taking the time to reply i wish i could give advice and offer more support to people on here but i just feel its impossible while i'm still alive and this pain is eating away at my heart and soul. it hurts so much i just dont know what to do.
i feel really angry too with myself and the world that i dont kill myself properly and have to live like this i am such a failure and i hate myself sorry for rambling
luv craziememe xx
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7/Oct/07, 15:19
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Satsumagirl
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Re: HELP ME PLEASE
You are not a failure crazie- I think you are very brave for posting on here and asking for help- it is a really great first step.
I've been there, and to a certain extent still am, when you just feel incredibly bad, so bad that you want to end it all. It sounds crazy but I have found that little treats that distract me work well- eg having a nice bath, watching a film or browsing on the net, or even just a bit of light housework. At the moment your body is recovering from the OD so I would just take it very easy but try and keep your mind occupied in some light way- eg TV, music, reading some magazines etc if you can. It will make you feel more in control.
You are not a failure at all, and your posts are always very thoughtful. Just take it a few days at a time.
all the best,
satsumagirl
xxx
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7/Oct/07, 15:56
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