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squillie
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 desperate to cut
I don't know why, I haven't cut since coming out of hospital in July, but I'm finding it intensly hard not to SH this evening. I have done one mild one, but not what I was planning.
I hate this. I'd been doing so ****ing well. I hate myself for this, and I hate myself for not doing it properly because I'm scared.
I just hate it all, and I'm at the festering, rancid core and I can't get away from ME.
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3/Oct/07, 18:41
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kinkypixie
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Re: desperate to cut
Hey Squille,
Come on, you know you've been doing well, what's bothering you?
KP xx
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3/Oct/07, 19:49
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squillie
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Re: desperate to cut
Hi KP
I don't know why I'm so desperate to do it at the moment. Possibly just because I haven't done it for such a long time. I dunno. It was more suicidal than just SHing, I was going for the artery again.
I've been on the new anti-deps for 4 weeks now, so they should be kicking in pretty soon.
How's things with you? Any news?
hugs xxx
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4/Oct/07, 9:02
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Reggie256
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Re: desperate to cut
Self harm is, obviously, a coping mechanism of sorts - I really hope that the antidepressants kick in soon. I know how it feels to be that desperate.
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4/Oct/07, 10:57
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Satsumagirl
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Re: desperate to cut
Hi Squillie
I am so sorry to hear this.
I haven't done much in the way of SH (although have been very tempted/ fantasised about it a lot) but have lots of suicidal thoughts and have made several plans. The reason I mention this is that one thing that has really helped me is to have an agreement with someone close to you to call them/ inform them before self harming or before commencing any plans. Is this something that you could do and is there a friend or relative who is always contactable who could fulfil this role?
I know how hard this is- I have days when I really really have to fight the part of myself that is urging me to hurt myself. Please don't hurt yourself- your posts are always so useful and so thoughtful and I am sure we all want squillie to be in one piece and around for a very long time.
take care,
satsumagirl
x
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4/Oct/07, 13:47
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lilemogal8
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Re: desperate to cut
come on squillie !
ure so brave , i wanna help but i dont know what 2 say , just do anything so that u dont pick up something and hurt yourself . . . type a blog , read a book , listen 2 music , write poetry . . . keep ure hands occupied - it usually works
ure a strong person . . . big hugs !
xxx
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4/Oct/07, 18:07
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Satsumagirl
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Re: desperate to cut
How are you doing squillie? Please let us know if you are ok.
Sending you lots of good wishes,
satsumagirl
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6/Oct/07, 21:28
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squillie
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Re: desperate to cut
Hi guys, thanks as always for the support. I'm doing better than I was the other evening.
xx
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7/Oct/07, 7:19
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Satsumagirl
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Re: desperate to cut
That's really great squillie. Well done.
Have you got any plans that might help for this week- eg seeing GP or any doctors or even just seeing some friends etc for support?
satsumagirl
x
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7/Oct/07, 12:12
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parlicoot
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Re: desperate to cut
Just adding my word of support and encouragement. Can't bear to hear you're so miserable Squillie.
xxxxxxx parlicoot
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7/Oct/07, 14:43
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