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Satsumagirl
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my thoughts worry me sometimes
Hi everyone
I am very depressed but receiving good treatment from my GP and my psychologist. I have a lot of suicidal thoughts and thoughts of violence towards myself and occasionally when very stressed have thoughts of violence towards other people. However, whilst I might act on the violent thoughts towards myself I think it very unlikely that I would be violent to others- when I actually turn and look at the person (eg a good friend) and remember my connection with them my instinct is to reach out to them for help and look after them, not hurt them. I have good healthy relationships with friends and my partner. I feel troubled and so so guilty by these thoughts as these people have been such a help to me so have never, ever shared them before. Has anyone else had these thoughts? are they normal? I am 99.9% sure that I pose very little risk to anyone.
satsumagirl.
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1/Oct/07, 11:53
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Shadow88
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Re: my thoughts worry me sometimes
I relate so much to everything you say. I have never shared my thoughts about violence towards either, neither have I acted on them and don't think I will. Thaks for sharing and be assured you are not alone in your thinking.
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1/Oct/07, 16:51
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Satsumagirl
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Re: my thoughts worry me sometimes
Thanks shadow. I too am v worried about sharing these thoughts and have never shared them with my partner, friends, my GP, or my psychologist, all of whom I trust a great deal. I worry that were I to share them I might get put away! Like you I think it is highly unlikely that I will ever act on these thoughts- if anything, the person who is at most risk of any violent actions is me... these thoughts make me feel so guilty and I find them very disturbing as I have never, even been violent or aggressive.
Thanks again for sharing shadow and I would be interested to hear if anyone else has had any similiar thoughts. If you have, you my be interested in this link:
http://www.uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=21722
Best wishes you to all,
satsumagirl
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1/Oct/07, 17:17
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squillie
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Re: my thoughts worry me sometimes
Hi guys
Just wanted to say I think you're both incredibly brave to post on this subject. I imagine it's a real concern, and must be awful having those feelings.
I don't think I've ever had the same thing, but when i was in hospital over the summer and unable to leave the bed (hooked up on machines etc) I was TERRIFIED I was going to "accidently" hurt the nurses. I ripped my finger and toe nails off because I was worried I'd be done for harming them, and constantly worried about having so many needles stuck all over me that might "accidently" fly out and stab them. I also worried I had something in my blood that would harm them. It really terrified me. I don't think it's the same thing, but similarly to both of you, it's not something I could tell anyone.
I don't know how a "professional" would react if you told them. I guess a lot would depend on whether you had children?
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1/Oct/07, 18:36
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squillie
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Re: my thoughts worry me sometimes
Sorry, I'm not sure that last line was the most diplomatic of things to say. I'm coming from a position of being VERY wary of SS regarding being a mother. Hope I didn't offend.
x
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1/Oct/07, 18:43
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Satsumagirl
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Re: my thoughts worry me sometimes
Thanks squillie.
Firstly- I have had similiar thoughts to those which you had in hospital, eg worrying that I might have physically hurt people without realising it.
I actually think that the thoughts may have something to do with a fear of intimacy, or a level of feeling a bit defensive about other people.
I definitely do not wish to share these thoughts with those close to me or even the professionals as a) I think it is very, very unlikely that I pose a risk to anyone other than myself and b) I am concerned that it might lead me to being labelled in some way.
How are things going with you squillie?
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1/Oct/07, 19:22
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squillie
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Re: my thoughts worry me sometimes
Oh, been better, you know... 
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1/Oct/07, 21:33
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Satsumagirl
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Re: my thoughts worry me sometimes
Hope you are ok squillie. Let us all know how you are doing.
satsumagirl
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2/Oct/07, 9:03
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Reggie256
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Re: my thoughts worry me sometimes
How are you Satsumagirl?
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2/Oct/07, 10:05
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Satsumagirl
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Re: my thoughts worry me sometimes
Thanks reggie. Am ok thanks you- hanging in there. How are things going with you?
satsumagirl
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2/Oct/07, 13:23
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